Explanation for some addiction.
This is what I wrote to myself on 19 November of 2021:
I know why I am addicted to archery now. It is the feeling satisfaction when not fully prepared, not fully anchored, but when releasing, by luck, muscle memory or whatever you call it and yet the arrow still reached a score within or higher than expectation.
Not giving everything you got but still got the same result, that kind of pleasure secretly in mind?
Might be able to argue that I can’t always be prepared for everything. Still I have the chance to aim with more caution, I made the choice to gamble.
Is this the silly way I prove myself better than other people?
It seems gambling with my own life path is the real addiction here.
Why to gamble though? It’s not I didn’t lose before.